[ She's silent for a while, taking in a sharp breath and holding it. To tell the truth, Hella hasn't thought of things this way before — at least with Ninety-Nine, it had always seemed like saving her was something she had to do, even if she didn't want to be saved, because it felt so wrong for her life to end prematurely because of what Parma had done to her.
It isn't the same, with Kotoha and the others, but it also bears similarities, at the same time. They won't ever see eye to eye on this, she realizes; their pasts are unaligned like two cogs in a broken machine. Hella has only known benefit and success when tirelessly working against those who may sacrifice themselves, as people's lives have been saved, they've gone on to have happy times ahead of them. Whereas Shoko seems to (rightly) see such behavior as taking away someone's agency, their personal way of controlling their fate. Her teeth grind against one another, aimless frustration bubbling up within her. ]
I know the worst could still happen... we could all die on this trip. [ Her words are surly and blunt, her lip curling in. ] All because of that fucking quack.
[ No matter how she feels about Kotoha's ultimate decision, the root fault of all this is still the same — this damn expedition. If it weren't for it and the doctor, Kotoha would still be alive, she'd still be in Sack-ra-shine with her friends. They all would have never met, but maybe that would have been for the better. ]
I just... I would've talked to her if she'd just have let me... [ That, she feels hurt about, too. Maybe it's that Kotoha didn't trust her, or perhaps it's that she foresaw Hella having difficulty accepting such a decision. Because of the lack of closure, though, she can't help but keep thinking about how things would be if they were different. ] It's not fair... and it's not right, for them to die for this. You have to agree on that. Right?
[ Her feelings towards the lives of her friends aside, Hella also just cannot accept that their lives have become fuel for the fire of this grand "project." Her adamant wish for no more of them to die comes not only from her generally optimistic outlook on life — but also because she hates the idea of these doctors taking any single thing more away from them. To allow someone to die on this trip, to Hella, feels like she's allowing them to be the disposable tools they were brought here to be, and she wants to rebel against that, even at the cost of disrespecting others' wishes. ]
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It isn't the same, with Kotoha and the others, but it also bears similarities, at the same time. They won't ever see eye to eye on this, she realizes; their pasts are unaligned like two cogs in a broken machine. Hella has only known benefit and success when tirelessly working against those who may sacrifice themselves, as people's lives have been saved, they've gone on to have happy times ahead of them. Whereas Shoko seems to (rightly) see such behavior as taking away someone's agency, their personal way of controlling their fate. Her teeth grind against one another, aimless frustration bubbling up within her. ]
I know the worst could still happen... we could all die on this trip. [ Her words are surly and blunt, her lip curling in. ] All because of that fucking quack.
[ No matter how she feels about Kotoha's ultimate decision, the root fault of all this is still the same — this damn expedition. If it weren't for it and the doctor, Kotoha would still be alive, she'd still be in Sack-ra-shine with her friends. They all would have never met, but maybe that would have been for the better. ]
I just... I would've talked to her if she'd just have let me... [ That, she feels hurt about, too. Maybe it's that Kotoha didn't trust her, or perhaps it's that she foresaw Hella having difficulty accepting such a decision. Because of the lack of closure, though, she can't help but keep thinking about how things would be if they were different. ] It's not fair... and it's not right, for them to die for this. You have to agree on that. Right?
[ Her feelings towards the lives of her friends aside, Hella also just cannot accept that their lives have become fuel for the fire of this grand "project." Her adamant wish for no more of them to die comes not only from her generally optimistic outlook on life — but also because she hates the idea of these doctors taking any single thing more away from them. To allow someone to die on this trip, to Hella, feels like she's allowing them to be the disposable tools they were brought here to be, and she wants to rebel against that, even at the cost of disrespecting others' wishes. ]